What I want
by Vanessa Joras
Summary: Age of Edward. OS. Both married without love, both angry and bored, they meet one sunny morning on a piano bench. They will have to make some compromises between what they want and what is expected of them. Will they succeed?


OS – What I want

POV: Edward & Bella

Age of Edward

I wanted to be myself.

I want to escape.

I wanted to laugh.

I wanted to be happy.

I wanted to be loved.

I wanted freedom, but I was a married woman.

I wanted to be myself.

I wanted to have fun.

I wanted to feel.

I wanted to forget.

I wanted to be admired.

I wanted freedom, but I was a married man.

_oOo_

I was on my own one Friday morning, nothing to do, no one to see, no child of my own, and my all life to forget. Chicago was under a bright summer sun that wouldn't last, I was sure of it. I just went out for the day, for a little adventure of my own.

I passed in front of the church because even though I wanted to forget that fateful day, I couldn't not go there and curse under my breath.

I didn't want to go to a park where mothers and children would all be about enjoying themselves. I didn't want to stroll between carts of refreshments, horses made of sticks, and bassinets.

I was looking for a place where I could think, I didn't want to go to some tavern and drink until oblivion. I had made that mistake once, I wouldn't do it twice. I was getting antsy to just get somewhere.

I found myself in front of the library on Fullerton Avenue, the one I used to go when studying was still a possibility. I went straight to the poetry section but it was already occupied by three young men, they eyed me and smiled. So I backed away. I went to the History section, other men, older, were discussing quite loudly, they also saw me and smiled. So I backed away again. I went out and ventured more without paying attention.

I tried the market but quickly spotted one of my mother's maid. I tried a sports field close to a park, but no game was on, nor some training. I couldn't even enter the stadium. I thought of my father who had died seven years ago of the Spanish Influenza, leaving my mother and me alone, without income. We barely had enough for me to study law and take on his business. But then it still wasn't enough, so my mother got me married to some pretty rich girl. She was so shallow, always gossiping with her rich friends. With a lawyer as their son-in-law, her parents had made stop the rumors about some illegal business of their own.

I spotted a music store, I saw a grand piano inside, the place looked empty, so I entered. My fingers caressed the ivory keys, making no sound at all but I was imagining it. Learning to play the piano always have been out of the question for me, such an expensive instrument, too big for the small house that my parents owned. Also too big for the apartment that my husband had bought us. The owner of the shop emerged when I was already sitting on the bench. As I gasped, he smiled sweetly and left me in the parlor. I took it as an encouragement to just press the keys, even if I couldn't play, it was like a true symphony to my ears. I put down my straw hat, then looked toward the empty street, reluctant to look like a fool to neighbors who must have been used to hear accomplished musicians from this place.

Finally, I remembered the only place where I used to love to go, aside from home and the stadium, Mr. Briggs' music shop. How long was it since I had played the piano? My mother had been eager to hear me play the first times I was visiting her after my wedding. Eventually, she had given up, too ashamed she had pushed me into matrimony at the age of twenty-two with a woman I had nothing in common.

I almost run to the store, anxious to see the shiny black grand piano, eager to press the keys, trying to remind me of the funeral march that I played for my father. Why that particular partition? Because it was the easiest one that I've had ever learned. And then I saw her.

He spied me from the threshold, he was breathing heavy, his hair soon got invaded by one hand, the other was crumpling his hat. Why did he look so distressed to see me? I didn't know him, I didn't do anything to him. He just stared at me, his gaze so vibrant I thought him feverish. The owner had noticed the end of my cacophony. He was fast next to the young man, he shook his hand and invited him inside. The owner closed the door and turn the sign "open" on it. He then told me that the man has been his student from the age of five to seventeen. I apologized for keeping away the instrument from him, but he just stared at me.

Mr. Briggs suggested that I should teach the piano to the young lady since she had never played before. That statement made her blush even more but she accepted eagerly it seemed. She moved to the end of the bench, took her hat and put it on the lid, I did the same. I sat next to her, so close that I could smell distinctly the lilac of her perfume. I got so nervous but I had to at least talk to her. When she put her hands back on the keys, I noticed her wedding band, a plain silver ring. I thought of the ring I had given to my wife, a family heirloom. I have refused though to accept from my mother her engagement ring. For my wife, it wouldn't have been enough, for me, it was too special to give away. That ring had fascinated me since infancy, and since my father had died, my mother had stored it in her jewelry box, refusing to wear it without her dear husband to kiss it every day.

It took him a couple of minutes before asking me if I even knew the keys name. I said yes, but couldn't place them on the keyboard. The lesson started like that, a few words and the keys played from the lowest to the highest pitch, and the other way. When his hand touched mine, so lightly, I got one strange feeling, suddenly I was myself again. It was like a fire, just waiting to be raging, to consume and ultimately destroy everything. I got scared, excited like never before, I was craving for something unknown but I knew it would be great.

She felt like the softest silk under my fingers, and she was incredibly beautiful. With her smile, she was soothing me, brightening up every dark idea I had since I got myself a respectable life. Everything about her invited me in, I wanted to drown myself in her. I wanted to drink from her and get so drunk as if she was the most delicious alcohol.

"I don't think I can do it." I said to him, staring at his mouth.

"I can show you again, I have time." He answered me in a bright smile.

I got the impression that not only I have given him some occupation, but I have gifted him with something precious. I had no idea what it might have been.

It took me by surprise, that urgent need to have her, whatever it meant. Why should I refrain myself, though? It was only a matter of time before my wife would cheat on me, I heard her say that to one of her friends not long after our wedding. Once the heir produced, she would enjoy flirting again, she would go as far as she would want. I was just that for her, a respectable reproducer, a handsome price without a fortune on her arm. I had to stay mute and willingly follow her father's rules. To them, I was too weak to even say no. The truth was, I just had not bothered to speak for myself.

But this woman next to me, on this bench, she was something worth fighting for.

I had never loved my husband, I had fought against my parents, I had fought against him. I had to marry him since they had given me no choice, no hope because he came back as a hero of the Great War. I had only been able to make them all wait for my twentieth birthday. I have really tried to love my husband, for a week or two. I have really tried to reconcile his handsomeness with what he was inside, but it couldn't be done. I had become bitter, cold, gray.

But that man who was teaching me an easy lullaby, he was like the full moon, lighting up my dark sky, giving me hope.

After an hour, we stopped but didn't move. Mr. Briggs hadn't come out his workshop, at the back. I took her hands in mine.

"I'm Edward Masen."

"I'm Bella Swan."

I touched her wedding ring, a playful smile on, because I loved the idea of what could be between us, as equals, two people unfaithful, two sinners. She sighed and then added.

"Bella Swan Black."

"It's a real pleasure to meet you, Bella."

"For me as well."

My smile gave her confidence, it seemed, hers became quickly radiant. She felt safe with me, I could tell.

"Might I be bold and ask of you to be my student? We could meet next Friday, at nine a.m?" I proposed.

"Why would you want to teach me piano?"

"I don't really. I just want to see you again."

She didn't blush, nor gasp, nor was she offended.

"I shall not. You do understand why." She answered me.

"I'm married too, for conveniences. I was feeling so lonely an hour ago, but then… Bella, you were there. Like you were waiting for me."

It was so exciting, I couldn't decide yet if it was because it was forbidden or because I really wanted him. I had heard talks about marital felicity in bed. I had known none before and after my wedding. But love had nothing to do with marriage, and sometimes the only consolation of two people being kept in this kind of relationship was sex. I didn't have that with my husband, with anyone.

"But, Edward, if you don't want to teach me, what do you want to do?" I dared to ask, just to be sure I was right to want him that way.

"I think you can guess."

"Yes."

"I need some… happiness, Bella. I deserve it, like anybody else, and you deserve so much more."

"Why me?"

"Because you're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Because you were awed by the piano. Because when you talk to me, you look at me."

"I'm not sure I can do that, Edward."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want. I just would like to see you, to sit next to you. I have time."

"I'll meet you here next Friday." I promised.

I was about to thank her, but she didn't exactly agree with my proposition. She picked up her hat, got up, I did the same. I wished I could kiss her, so I would have something to think about to pass the week until I'd see her next. I just bowed to her and let her go.

What I didn't know then was that she had taken with her my sanity that morning. How come making love to her became my only goal? With my limited sexual experience, I searched in my mind for ways to please her, and I imagined how she would feel against me, how I would feel inside of her. She had turned me into a craving man. I got angry so many times during those days, and with about everyone. I couldn't stand to meet my wife in the evenings, in her drawing room. I then claimed to be sick, feverish, just to escape familial obligations. And alone in my own room, it didn't take me long to succumb and satisfy myself. Even if Bella would never surrender, I now had her in my mind. And every morning, it got easier to wake up and go on with my life, because she would come to me on Friday.

_oOo_

I was unsure I wanted to meet him again, not because it would be such a sin, not out of respect for my husband, not because I was scared. I was unsure I could live up to my own expectations. What if he would take me to some hotel in the North of the city, where no respectable people were supposed to live? What if he would have his way with me then forget all about me? I knew already, from the way he made me feel in that music shop, that I would need a lot of time to get over him; to be wearied by my desire. It would take me months or years before his touch would ignite no more fire in my belly. I spent my days dreaming about him, reliving every minute passed together on that piano bench. I imagined every possibility. I knew I might have been wrong about him. Maybe he was seducing every day a different woman. After all, he had been so straightforward with me, so convinced that we should have sex right away.

She arrived on time the next Friday, I was already there, talking to Mr. Briggs. I had brought a few partitions, wishing to impress her. She was even lovelier than the last time I saw her. Her dress fitting for a rainy day, long to mid-calf, her waist encircled by a large belt, the fabric was a plain dark red. Instead of her large straw hat, she had a dark umbrella, her hair still in a strict bun. I had fantasied also about her hair, wondering how long and soft it was. I smiled, just a moment, remembering me a long and difficult discussion that I had to endure. A month ago, for an hour or so, during the Sunday lunch, my wife had detailed how she was the perfect woman. The twenties had brought a new ideal, women were supposed to be short, not skinny, their chest almost invisible, wearing heavy makeup, their hair cut short. They had small hats, because, as strange as it seemed to me, their heads needed to look small. Everything was calculated, their body and face transformed, they were so fake and my wife was their queen. But Bella was so natural, she sure was short, but she was kind of skinny and her breast was gloriously pointing under the fabric. I would have noticed her everywhere, she was so true, so different from the other women.

I swooned when I saw him, already inside the shop talking to the owner. When his eyes found me, I lost my breath for some time. The smile he gave to me reassured me that he would be worth that sin. He was still so handsome in his dark costume, he had already removed a long coat that was soiling the carpet, and his hat.

After only a few minutes of the lesson, I realized that he wouldn't force me on anything. As he had claimed a week before, being with me seemed enough for him. He touched my hands on every occasion and the hour flown by too quickly. We couldn't go anywhere else, we couldn't walk together in the street. The differences between our stations were so evident. People would stare, seeing such an elegant young man with a mousy and poor girl.

Mr. Briggs brought us then some coffee then left us. Since the rain hadn't stopped, the shop remained empty. We were left alone and longing to touch each other. Something had to happen, I was about to get mad from being desired that way by her. My own impatience in her eyes proved to me that I had been right to hope for more.

"Does someone know you are here?" I asked her, unable to remain silent another second.

"No."

"It's not careful."

"What would you have me say to my husband? That I'm meeting a handsome man, that I wish he'll kiss me like I've never been kissed before?"

"I guess not." I chuckled.

"What about you? Have you told someone?"

"I have to be secretive too. And I so want to kiss you, Bella."

"What would you think of me if I say yes?"

"I would... I would be honored. I sense that you need this, as much as I do."

"What is this?"

"It's choosing for ourselves. It's thinking about ourselves and not letting others dictate their rules."

"It's being free?"

"I'm sure of that."

Her eyes strayed away from mine, her face got paler.

"Is this the first time that you... Am I even special?"

"I've never shared another bed than my wife's, and it's never been that good." I swore.

"I've never done this before."

"You don't have to take a decision today."

"I thought the same, all week. I thought it was only reprehensible. I'm sure I would do no harm, to anyone. But still, it was hard to let myself choose for once. When I saw you today, I decided. I want to be with you, that way. I just don't know how it can be done."

"I'll look for a place for us to meet, I'll let you know."

"How? We can't meet outside, I don't want to take any risk."

"I wouldn't want you, of course. We'll be careful. I'll leave a message here for you. Can you come on Thursday morning?"

"What about Mr. Briggs? Wouldn't he mind? He must have guessed what's happening in his parlor."

She looked so ashamed, I had to reassure her. Today would be our last meeting here, she was right. My old teacher had to be convinced that we were just courting.

"He doesn't know I'm married, I whispered to her. And I've noticed you took off your ring today."

"Yes, right at the corner of the street. Edward... Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

_oOo_

He looked appreciative, fascinated, I could be sure of his reaction in front of my naked form. What about my breast that gave him shiver? Or was it the curves of my hips? My shoulders? My sex?

"It's everything, it's you. Just you." He answered me.

I was eager to feel him on me and inside of me, I had become a wanton woman, a fallen woman, but it felt so good at that moment. Why would I care now? It was too late, so better enjoy it and I would never regret. But how deliciously wrong it was! How powerful too, I could have never imagined it.

Something else mattered, something I thought I was sure I would never be. Finally, I was cherished, and even though I didn't want him to love me, it was all right to pretend just for those moments. No, he shouldn't love me, because it would make leaving me every time too painful for him. It was okay for me to miss him, but not for him. I wanted him to be happy without me. He deserved that.

He discovered me with his eyes some more, then with his hands, and finally with his lips. His touch was intoxicating, it was so new, I felt like a virgin again, I finally felt like a woman. I laid on the small bed, ready to welcome him in my arms. How was it possible to tremble that much of desire? But I began to shake with fear when he stepped back.

"I'm not going away." He assured me, seeing me concerned.

"Then come back here."

"I want to see you."

"Will it be the only time?"

"No, I want it to be the beginning."

"But we shouldn't."

"Do you believe in god, Bella?"

"No."

"Neither do I."

Finally, I entered her, I didn't have to go slowly, cause like my wife, Bella was no virgin for our first lovemaking. I went as deep as I could, I was able to fulfill her with impatience and passion. For this time only I hoped, I couldn't last long and I told her so.

"Get out of me before you cum, please."

"Of course... Is that what you ask of your husband?"

"Yes."

"Don't you want to have children?"

"No."

I knew that I should stop talking, now was not the time but I've never heard a woman saying that.

"Why did you marry him, then?"

"I never wanted to get married."

"Your parents made you?"

"I wanted you to make love to me, is it still possible?" she joked.

I could see tears in her eyes, she was trying to light up the mood. What I didn't want to know before today, I was now eager to discover, even if it meant getting hurt. I kissed her, searched in her eyes how much she still desired me. I went through our intercourse, getting out of her hot core just in time, but I wished I didn't have too. Although, cumming on her stomach and her breast was very erotic.

I knew she hadn't experienced an orgasm, so I put in practice what I learned from hearing the other boys at school. I got on my knees, looked at her but couldn't find a way to ask if she was willing. She had cleaned herself up quickly, she was waiting for me to say something.

He looked embarrassed to be horny. I learned that word from my husband one night when I refused to have sex with him. He had said that he was so horny that he couldn't let me say no to him. But Edward wouldn't dare to force me. The truth was I never thought that a man could still be hard after cumming once. I was elevated, proud, and I just loved the way he felt inside of me.

One finger trailed down from my belly button to my sex. He felt the dampness, he smiled like he had discovered another treasure in me. He lied down between my tights, I tried to stop him but he scolded me, claiming that I wouldn't regret it. And he was so right. So right.

"Don't you love him? If only a little?" He asked me an hour later.

"No. I refused to marry him, twice, but when he went to my father, with his uniform and decorations, I was doomed."

"That bad, huh?"

"You have no idea. I had such grand plans for myself, my grandmother had saved money for me to study. They crushed each of those plans in tiny pieces."

"You wanted to remain free?"

"I wanted to be free, I never was free when I was living under my parents' roof. I wanted to be legally of age, then go to New York and study."

"I know a few schools for women in Chicago."

"The plan was to be free, Edward, not just study."

"What did you want to study, then, my little suffragette?"

"Funny that you said that. A few years ago I went to a rally, he got so mad."

"Did he hit you?"

I saw her getting so tensed, sadder than ever.

"No, it's not his way, although he does have a temper. But his father did slap me."

I took her hands and kissed them, waiting for her to share what she mustn't have been allowed to share with anyone before.

"We lived with my father in law the first year of our marriage. He's infirm, my husband wanted me to take care of him, he used to work with my father. It was so evident to all of them that taking care of that man was my mission in life. But that day, instead of cooking and feeding him, I went to that rally, it was June 1920. My husband came home before me, he was angry but mostly surprised and disappointed. His father slapped me, accusing me to be a wanton woman. At least, that made my husband agree to move to a place of our own. On the fourth floor."

"So his father can't visit."

"That's right."

"Bella, it's so sad, I'm so sorry for you."

"Then promise me something."

"Anything."

"If you have a daughter, just love her for who she is, and let her live the life she chooses."

I wanted a daughter with her, not with my wife, I realized. I wanted Bella to bare my babies, to raise them to be independent and happy people.

"I promise," I replied eventually, and I thought she guessed what I was thinking.

"I know I'm not supposed to feel that way, but I don't want to have children." She said.

"I want you, don't speak any more about anything else than us, please."

"I can do that."

So I made love to her again, and silently I took a vow, a different one than the one I took that horrible day when I got married. I promised in a whisper to respect her. I swore in a moan to never hurt her. I vowed in a silent cry to love only her, all my life.

The last minutes that we had, I just looked at her, memorizing every detail of her face, so fascinated by her.

"Don't think." She urged me.

"It's not possible, I can't stop thinking about you."

"Edward, don't."

"I won't." I lied.

Of course, I loved her already.

_oOo_

"I just love your hair down, you're so beautiful."

"Really?"

"Why do you look surprised, Bella?"

"My mother and my husband are pestering me so often about my hair, my clothes, the way I am."

"You're so modern, I can get that they expect you to liberate yourself from the ancient clothing!" I joked.

"I don't care about clothes, I like the one that I decide to wear. I understand that women want to be out, and free, and independent. But for me, the most important is to be myself, without proving that I'm also a modern woman. I don't want to be noticed, you know."

"And still, I would have noticed you everywhere, since you are that amazing."

"You're just teasing me, Sir."

"I'm not, and don't act like I'm superior."

"But you are. Men control women, they control their wife and daughters. Women can vote now, but it's like we aren't allowed to earn money. We're bound to produce babies and get the food ready when the men come home."

"Do you want to work?" he asked.

I raised an eyebrow to him, I wanted to hear his opinion.

"Yes, to be honest, I don't like the idea of a woman working." He admitted but somehow looked quite ashamed.

"Edward, I want to be independent. Nobody knows, but I do sometimes some seamstress work for a few neighbors. They pay me in cash or food, but either way, I can save from the money my husband gives me for the groceries."

"So you have hidden a fortune! Interesting!" He laughed but he knew I was proud of myself.

"I wish... I had some money hidden."

"What do you plan to do with it?"

"I'm sure one day I would need it."I said.

If you take me away...

_oOo_

Everything was almost perfect, we met for months and now, winter was here, it was freezing outside. But that day, in our hotel room, we were war, and naked. Unfortunately she was still crossed with me.

"I just wanted to see him." I pleaded.

"And what? You wanted to introduce yourself. Hello, I'm your wife's lover!"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course not."

"You were there with your wife, your family." She reminded me.

"Her family."

"I recognized her father. He's my father's boss."

"He's everyone's boss. Bella, we could have met just two seconds, I wanted to be with you."

"We can't! And if this isn't enough for you anymore, then we have to stop."

"No way!"

"Edward, what other choice do we have?"

"I don't care. I'll be more careful. I was just so excited to see you there."

"It's impossible."

"You're so stubborn!"

"I know what I want!" She argued.

"So you just want me in a bed?!"

"I don't want anyone to know about us. I don't care about me, I care about you!"

"Me?"

"You have a business, you have a mother to support. Your in-laws are influent people. If someone knows I'm unfaithful, it will only hurt my family. But I'm sure, if you are to be seen with me, the consequences would be severe for you."

"You care about me?" I repeated, elated.

"Stop saying that."

"But you do."

"Do you think I'm wanton? That I just like to cheat on my husband?"

"That's not what I meant, Bella!"

"Really?"

She got up, picked up a blanket and I knew I had to make myself perfectly clear. We couldn't pretend anymore that what we had was just a passing phase in our lives.

"That's how my wife is, I said. If you were like her, just one bit, I wouldn't have talked to you in the first place."

"But you didn't know me then."

"That day, you were wearing a deep blue dress, black shoes, a faint red lipstick, your hat was… I don't remember it accurately. You had no expensive jewelry, no strong perfume, no cigarettes."

"I got it, I looked poor." She taunted.

"You looked amazed by that piano."

"I was."

"You looked earnest, you looked vibrant. You still do."

"I'm dull. I've been told so my entire life."

I took her in my arms, afraid of the way I made her feel. Couldn't she see what I was seeing every time I looked at her?

"You're not. You are not dull, Bella! I see you as you are."

"Maybe I'm like that only with you."

"You're not pretending with me."

"No, I'm not."

"Me neither."

_oOo_

Spring brought us together twice a week, and sometimes, three times. Being without him became unbearable. I was content because he had still so much desire for me. But lately, he talked a lot about our lives outside the hotel, and I was always sad afterward.

"He doesn't touch you?"

"He tries, but I remind him that we can't have kids right now." I told Edward.

"He'll get weary, he can't be that blind to not see how beautiful you are."

"He says that sometimes. But I don't care, I'm just a cook in the kitchen, a maid. I read in the library the other week a book about fertility. I had to hide it in my coat and read it in the restrooms. It said that even a drop a sperm could get a woman pregnant, and since you men have that liquid that spills before-"

"I get it. So he just leaves you alone?"

"Yes. For now. I told him I wanted to live in a house in order to have children. He loves his work, but he still doesn't earn enough money. I'm sure he's planning on moving us to his father's home, when he'll be gone. I may have a week or ten years. Who knows?"

"You'd be an amazing mother, Bella."

"What about you?" I skipped, because having children wasn't an issue for me anymore, only who their father would be.

"She's not eager to get pregnant, her big sister has already three kids, and she got really fat, according to her." I told her.

"You married a flapper?"

"Yes, she's out of control. When she goes out, it takes her two hours to get ready, she's more decadent than Gilda Gray! I'm glad it's not my money that she's wasting."

"How can you endure that?"

"The same way you do, maybe."

"Edward."

"We could be-"

"No. I wouldn't be able to get a divorce. Not without a cause."

"What if he finds out? Would you be in danger?"

"He said I was his first love. He was so sure that we were meant together that he didn't even look at other women. I don't know how he would react."

"My wife wouldn't care."

I smiled sadly, what didn't we have met before?

_oOo_

"The first time we made love you asked me if I believed in god." I said to him, a late summer day.

"Have you changed your mind?"

"No."

"Me neither."

I smiled, moved that he remembered that short discussion. I blushed, remembering that he was then between my thighs.

"I want to say it, Edward."

"Then do it. You know I do too."

"I love you."

He kissed me so fiercely, like he was finally free. I guessed we were, we were honest about our feelings, hopeful about our relationship. But then we both got hungry for more, yet we were in a street and already, people were staring at us, their eyes full of choc and disapproval.

"Then we have to go." He announced happily.

"Will you divorce her?"

"It wouldn't be fair to you. You were right, you won't be able to get a divorce from a respectable man. If you have to stay married to him on the paper, I'll share that burden with you. The most important for me is that we'll live like husband and wife, even though we would lie. Bella, you'll get the life you wished. We have to go for that to happen. Far."

"Are you really willing to do that?"

"Nothing holds me back here."

"What about your job? And your mother?"

"She wants me to be happy. She already suspects that I'm in love with another woman."

"When do we leave? And where to?"

"Choose, my love."

_oOo_

I wanted to be myself.

I wanted to escape.

I wanted to laugh.

I wanted to be happy.

I wanted to be loved.

I wanted freedom.

I have now everything I could have ever wished for, and so much more with Edward.

I wanted to be myself.

I wanted to have fun.

I wanted to feel.

I wanted to forget.

I wanted to be admired.

I wanted freedom.

I have now everything I could have ever wished for, and so much more with my Bella.

_oOo_

10/11/18

"When did they meet, there's no date anywhere!" sighed Izzy.

"In 1925."

"Wow…"

"Your great grand-parents were amazing, I wish I had them in my life long enough for them to see you and your brother."

"Mom, what happened after that?"

"They went to New York for a few years. They lost their jobs during the depression, so they moved to North Carolina. Things got better for them."

"What about their family?"

"Grandma was sure her husband and her father had looked for her. Grandpa had kept contact with his mother. She had joined them in 1932 when she got injured and couldn't live alone anymore."

"So Bella had to take care of her? She had hated to do it for her father in law?"

"She did out of love, this time. Elizabeth Masen was a very sensible woman, she had lived ten years or so with them, helping the best she could with the children."

"But Bella wrote that she didn't want to have children!"

I laughed at my daughter, named Isabella after her great grandmother. Like her ancestor, she refused the mere idea of getting a husband someday and having children. I have given her those pages to read so she'd know that at twenty years old, she couldn't take such big decisions.

"She achieved her goals and her dreams but she created new ones." I continued." She was amazing, you really look like her, Izzy."

"I think it's quite romantic that they have written their memories together."

"Well, some at least."

"What did he looked like? Edward… He's not in the picture."

"I only remember him old, white hair, bright green eyes, glasses on his nose. Those pages had been rewritten by my mother, the paper was so fragile, and she wanted to be able to read them when she wanted. But I think she wasn't supposed to even know about them, and she stole the picture because she loved the dress Bella was wearing. As you know, the house of her parents got destroyed by a hurricane in 1989, and that picture and those pages are the only souvenirs that we still have of Bella and Edward."

"I'm glad that Grandma was such a snoop." Izzy said in a smile."I miss her so much."

"I know, I miss her too."

"And now we're trapped at home because of another hurricane." my daughter sighed, trying again to start to reload her phone, but the power was out since the afternoon.

I took her in my arms, and for the first time in years, she let me. I had missed her so much since she went away for college. She hasn't told me yet why she came back for a few days but I was pretty sure it had to do with a young man.

"Just, take your time, my love. Be yourself, you can choose your path and change the course of your life a thousand times if you wish."

"Thanks, Mom."

THE END


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